les récompenses de planet rugby

[moza de Tlse]

Our brickbats and bouquets for 2005

Wednesday December 28 2005

That was the year that was

The year has come and gone. It produced some magical moments - mostly from the All Blacks - but also some very humorous events. We dish out our annual brickbats and bouquets...

STAT OF THE YEAR

The aggregate Lions Test series scoreline - 107-40 (12 tries to two).

Runner-up: 51 - the number of Lions in Sir Clive's pride.

THE NON-EVENT OF THE YEAR AWARD

Injury-jinxed star Jonny Wilkinson who was named England captain back in November 2004 but who has not pulled on a lillywhite jersey since 2003.

Runner-up: The Lions tour.

SUPPORTER OF THE YEAR AWARD

Without doubt, Lesley Jenkins - mother of Lions prop Gethin - who interrupted her chemotherapy treatment for lung cancer to make sure she could be in New Zealand to support her son.

Runner-up: The Lions' fans. The travelling red army were model tourists and they deserved more for their efforts.

THE ALASTAIR CAMPBELL AWARD FOR SPIN DOCTORING

"If you take the scrum out of the equation, we played well." - Former Australia coach Eddie Jones following the Wallabies' implosion at Twickenham.

Runner-up: "Jean is not the villain here. Borges could have broken his neck - Jean might have saved his life." - South Africa coach Jake White defends Bok centre Jean de Villiers who pushed Argentina wing Lucas Borges over advertising hoardings in Buenos Aires before catching the stricken Puma by the sock as he disappeared into a concrete-floored moat.

THE MADONNA AWARD FOR PERPETUAL REINVENTION

South Africa's Currie Cup competition - at the mercy of the mood swings of sponsors and officials. Just when we'd figured out the bizarre new format, it's all change for 2006!

Runner-up: Stade Français's kit designers. They ushered in rugby's skin-tight look, then they gave us snazzy lightning bolts - and in 2005 they stole the show by daring to introduce electric pink to the game. Whatever next?

THE GUY FAWKES AWARD

Whoever is responsible for the fire at Lansdowne Road before the All Blacks match. They could have averted a major disaster ... but the fire was caught just in time.

Runner-up: The Lions - possibly the most monumental damp squib of all time.

THE DAME EDNA EVERAGE AWARD FOR ACTING LIKE A GIRL

New Zealand Lock Ali Williams's chip kick to the corner for Doug Howlett's try in Auckland against which initially had coach Graham Henry using language that would have seen Chris White reach for his cards.

Runner-up: Gavin Henson. Rumour has it that when the Lions unpacked their scrum machine in Auckland they found it was actually Gav's cosmetics stash.

KEYSER SOZE AWARD FOR THE BEST CON

Wallaby prop Bill Young. For years he had everybody believing he was an international rugby prop. Then referees finally started to listen to the complaints of opposing coaches and suddenly he was on the back foot ... literally. Finally he was penalised and then "rested" (another con for being dropped) for the year-end tour. Maybe Jake White was right, maybe he is only a fourth-team club prop. Will he come back for another con? Only time will tell.

Runner-up: Matt Dunning. He is definitely in the running for an Oscar next year after the match against England.

PLAYGROUND TAUNT OF THE YEAR

"The only true judgement of a team is at a World Cup, where everyone turns up properly fit and prepared and the games take place on a level playing field. There is no gulf between hemispheres. Who holds the World Cup at the moment?" - Sir Clive Woodward in the wake of that 'really successful' tour.

Runner-up: See 'My Grand Slam Year' by Gavin Henson.

THE NEVER-SAY-DIE AWARD

Fijian magician Waisale Serevi. Now 37 and undoubtedly the best exponent of the abbreviated game the world has ever seen. Serevi made his international XVs debut in 1988 and debuted at the Hong Kong Sevens one year later. When Fiji won the George Sevens in December, he started in half the games and even came on in the Final. Officially he is now Fiji's player/coach.

Runner up: Gareth Llewellyn. A sprightly 36-year-old with 92 Welsh caps under his belt - Wales's current injury/suspension crisis could see him notch up a century.

VILLAIN OF THE YEAR

Plenty of candidates in this category, but we opt for the Machiavellian machinations of Alastair Campbell. Sport is essentially the celebration of humanity - we don't need politicking, censorship or press manipulation.

Runners-up: Sir Clive Woodward (lack of magnanimity), ARU (lack of foresight), Tana Umaga (lack of apology), Danny Grewcock (lack of muzzle), Brian van Rooyen (lack of a clue), Gavin Henson (lack of a decent agent).

THE WILLIAM WALLACE AWARD FOR PEP TALK OF THE YEAR

"I was disgusted with the first half. I was fuming and embarrassed by our defensive display. We just missed tackle after tackle, or were not there to make the tackles, and it was totally unacceptable." - Former Scotland coach Matt Williams lets his players have it following their 46-22 loss to Wales in the Six Nations.

Runner-up: "I am very disappointed and very angry with everyone, including myself. We are trading on our reputation of the last two or three years. At the moment, one or two are putting it in, and one or two aren't. We got what we deserved today." - Former England skipper Lawrence Dallaglio gives his fellow Wasps a kick up the bum after a dismal 21-13 defeat to the Dragons in the Heineken Cup.

THE QUENTIN TARANTINO AWARD FOR UGLY SCENES

We have joint winners. England wing Ben Cohen for swearing at the crowd after scoring a try. And Wales lock Brent Cockbain for the most painful-sounding injury of all time - anybody care for a detached hamstring?

Runner-up: Joint award Alesana Tuilagi for the gut-wrenching tackle on Mark Cueto, Fabien Pelous for the gratuitous elbow to Brendon Cannon's chops and Ian Evans's rear-kick on Harry Ellis.

THE ACCORDION AWARD

A joint award - Al Baxter and Matt Dunning, both of whom came off from the England match considerably shorter than when they went on.

Runner-up: Sir Clive's head which shrank a few sizes following the Lions tour. Well, surely it should have...

SERGEANT PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB AWARD

Axed Wallaby boss Eddie Jones. The Australian players say he's the best. He says he's the best man for the job. But they ARU feels they can do better and other offers are not exactly pouring in right now. He has to join the queue at the Reds.

Runner-up: Jeff Miller, who has been told by the Reds a year in advance that he won't be needed in 2007!

BEST SIDE-STEP OF THE YEAR

Performed by the Lions' in-house lawyer, Richard Smith QC, who got Graham Rowntree off the hook for punching Bryce Williams in the face by bamboozling the IRB Disciplinary Panel. Smith - according to the judicial finding report - argued "that whilst the player pleaded guilty to foul play, the action was the result of a clumsy attempt to remove the Auckland player at the breakdown ... the incident occurred as a result of physical contact with Williams who [Rowntree] alleged was holding him back from joining the defensive line. [Rowntree] described it as an ill-judged attempt to remove himself from the contact situation which went wrong." Huh?

Runner-up: Shane Williams's effort against Australia in Cardiff. Drew Mitchell is apparently still looking for the little Welshman in the corner nearest the railway station...

CONSPIRACY THEORY AWARD

This one goes to the International Rugby Board for breaking with tradition and changing from a show of hands to a secret ballot when holding the Rugby World Cup 2011 bid elections. A very old-boys-club tactic from the old boys.

Runner-up: The 'England spies' that New Zealand coach Graham Henry chased off after claiming that they "were dressed in camouflaged gear and passed themselves off as journalists". Sorry, Graham - but how many journalists wear tin helmets stuffed with heather? If they were trying to pass themselves off as journos they should have worn dirty macs and acted drunk.

THE 'DAVID'S SLING' AWARD FOR CREATING VICTORY OUT OF ADVERSITY

Bok wing Bryan Habana's first try against Australia during the Tri-Nations. After the Wallabies had marched thirty metres up the field through twenty phases of possession, The Boks nicked the ball and gave it to Habana who ran away and scored a killer try.

Runner-up: "This has been a really successful tour," said Sir Clive. Need we say more?

THE 'IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY AND TRY AGAIN' AWARD

Bok pivot André Pretorius, who, despite missing them all after his first one, just would not stop trying to nail a drop-goal against New Zealand in Cape Town.

Runner-up: Jonny Wilkinson. Mike Tyson's record for most failed comebacks is under serious threat.

THE MATT DUNNING WHO-ATE-ALL-THE-PIES AWARD

Wallaby newbie Adam Ashley-Cooper, who was munching a consolatory steak-and-kidney in the stand when he got the news that he would in fact be on the bench for the game.

Runner-up: Matt Dunning.

THE SPORTSMANSHIP AWARD OF THE YEAR

After fracturing his ankle in the Lions opener against the Bay of Plenty, Lawrence Dallaglio ensured that his Lions jersey was delivered to his opposite number, Colin Bourke.

Runner-up: All Black scrum-half Justin Marshall, for offering his condolences to Brian O'Driscoll as the Lions skipper was wheeled away from the first Test with a dislocated shoulder.

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF RUGBY AWARD

Lions stand-in skipper Gareth Thomas who met the world's press wearing his underpants, explaining nonchalantly: "Sorry lads - couldn't find me trousers, and didn't want to keep you waiting."

Runner-up: Lions lock Paul O'Connell, who debagged Alastair Campbell at a crowded press conference.

SLEDGE OF THE YEAR

"Kiwis know their rugby and they know a lemon when they see one. O'Gara should have painted himself yellow and jumped into a gin and tonic. His kicking was duff, his tackling was duff and he didn't look like he could run a pack of girl guides." - Gregor Paul of the New Zealand Herald following the Bay of Plenty match.

Runner-up: "Clive Woodward is sending Andy Robinson to a fancy-dress party. He's going as a pumpkin. They're hoping at midnight he'll turn into a coach." - Leicester star Austin Healey kisses his England career goodbye.

THE PUPPY NEXT TO A PUDDLE AWARD

Ulster lock Justin Harrison. He hasn't even completed his punishment for his racial slurs in March and he was back in the dock during Yuletide - not to mention the other disciplinary hearings he has faced this year. What was it with that open-air head-butt on Saracens' Kris Chesney in full view of the TV cameras? Was he looking for an extended Christmas holiday? As it turns out, that request was denied by the disciplinary buffs.

Runner up: Lewis Moody. Banned a total of 15 weeks since September. Maybe's he's got another job on the side and needed time to look after that business interests.

THE JOSEPH STALIN AWARD FOR JOURNALISM

To the nameless Lions' media goblin who took it upon himself to 'correct' players' newspaper columns. One deft alteration saw "we went for a beer after the match" become "we went for a stroll after the match".

Runner-up: Sir Clive's staged photo of himself and Gavin Henson on talking terms following the announcement of the Lions team for the first Test.

BEST CROWD SIGNAGE OF THE YEAR

'Will exchange wife for Test tickets' - spotted in the stands of the Westpac Stadium during Lions encounter with Wellington.

Runner-up: 'Wanted: Tana Umaga - for the assassination of Brian O'Driscoll' - emblazoned across the chest of many a Lions fan.

NOSTRADAMUS AWARD FOR CLAIRVOYANCE

"I'm absolutely convinced it will be 3-0 and the All Blacks will succeed in this series." - Former AB boss John Mitchell before the Lions tour.

Runner-up: "It is abundantly clear that this is the worst Lions team to arrive in New Zealand." - Former AB boss Laurie Mains before the Lions tour.

NOT THE NOSTRADAMUS AWARD FOR CLAIRVOYANCE

"The Lions have been bluffing in New Zealand and my mate Clive definitely has tricks up his sleeve." - Australia coach Eddie Jones on the eve of the first Test.

Runner-up: "I am absolutely convinced more than ever we've got a team who can do something special in the first test." - Sir Clive after the loss to the Maori.

FAULKNER AWARD FOR FICTION

South Africa Rugby Union president Brian van Rooyen. Lining up a host of supporters at a media conference and telling the world that all is well and he has the whole country's support. Yeah, right - and Nero played his fiddle while Rome burned. While Big Van was staging media conferences his rivals were working feverishly to get rid of him and the media headlines reflected it all.

Runner-up: Sir Clive Woodward, Alastair Campbell and Eddie Jones. For pretending all was well with their teams, despite not being able to win a game.

THE BLIND MONKEY AWARD

Brian van Rooyen's PA, André Bester. For not once reporting on his own website that Brian van Rooyen was under attack and basically ignoring the whole saga ... pretending it did not happen.

Runner-up: Brian van Rooyen. For not once returning a phone call to the media and thinking that if he doesn't speak about them to the media the problems don't exist.

THE OLD MOTHER HUBBARD AWARD

This award goes to the Lions' in-house chef, Dave Campbell. Okay, the poor bloke had hundreds of mouths to feed - but he should never have let England lock Danny Grewcock take to the field on an empty stomach.

Runner-up: Australia's trophy cabinet - as empty as Eddie Jones's agenda.

THE UP-ONE'S-OWN-BACKSIDE AWARD

'During your stay with us you may recognise a team of very well-known people, who have chosen this hotel for the same reasons as you - excellent location, excellent service and attention to detail. We ask that you help us maintain this atmosphere for all our guests by resisting the temptation to ask for autographs or photographs while this team is staying with us.' - Notice distributed to guests at the Lions' Wellington hotel.

Runner-up: "I like to think of myself as rugby's equivalent of Eric Cantona or Cristiano Ronaldo," said Henson. Need we say more?

THE DEEPAK CHOPRA AWARD FOR PSYCHO-BABBLE

"There was research done on what is the best colour to wear when you are playing competitive sports and the research came out very clearly that winning teams wear red." - Sir Clive Woodward predicts great things from the men in red.

Runner-up: "But black absorbs all the energy coming towards it, and is also a bit menacing." - New Zealand respond by wheel out psychologist Angela Wright .

THE BRITISH AIRWAYS VALUED CUSTOMER AWARD

Scotland flank Jason White who made a 52-hour round trip to join the Lions in New Zealand for 58 minutes of rugby.

Runner-up: SA boss Brian van Rooyen who is quite partial to racking up the old airmiles.

THE HOUDINI AWARD FOR GETTING AWAY WITH IT

This goes to Tana Umaga and Keven Mealamu who escaped unscathed from that tackle with not even a rapped knuckle. And Semo Sititi, who wasn't cited for any of the five punches he landed during the Moody-Tuilagi brawl during England's encounter with Samoa.

Runner-up: To New Zealand who pinched the 2011 Rugby World Cup from under the noses of South Africa and Japan.

THE FISH SURVIVING OUT OF WATER AWARD

Courageous Fiji, who played in the snow of Monza and are now planning to mark out a full size pitch on a Suva beach in the return Test against Italy next year.

Runner-up: Gavin Henson, who - despite the publicity-seeking facade - looked understandably out of his depth in the television documentary Charlotte Church: Confessions of a Teen Angel. When asked what he loved about his gal, a blushing Gav shuffled his shoes. "I don ’t want to get too deep - I'm a rugby boy, like," he whispered.

THE PERFORMING SEAL AWARD

Ireland flank Johnny O'Connor for the somersault after he scored against Romania. Apparently he regrets it now, but not as much as he would have had he not landed on his feet...

Runner-up: Gavin Henson for his cameo in the aforementioned television documentary.

THE ROBOT WARS AWARD FOR A POINTLESS DISPLAY OF TECHNOLOGY

The WRU, for leaving the roof open all week to let the rain soak the pitch but then closing it on matchday.

Runner-up: Jake White's infatuation with peep tests and the bench-presses. For Jake, fit + strong = good player.

THE CRYING BABY AWARD

Argentina hooker Mario Ledesma. Call it Latin passion, even call it rightful injustice if you like. We just call it continuous, non-stop, and painful whingeing.

Runner-up: Yes, it must have stung to high heaven - but did BOD really hand-off Saint Peter?

THE DIFFICULT GUEST AWARD

The All Blacks, who came to Cardiff and moaned about the order of events. How dare the Welsh respond to the haka by singing? Have they no respect?

Runner-up: Wallaby scrum-half Matt Henjak, who tried to ingrain himself into South African culture by throwing glasses around a nightclub. The bouncers soon told him what he was doing wrong.

THE 'MONTY PYTHON BLACK KNIGHT' AWARD FOR COURAGE

France lock Jérôme Thion, who led his team on the pitch - which no doubt includes a modicum of verbal cajoling - with a broken larynx for ten minutes.

Runner-up: NZ pivot Dan Carter for trying to walk off from the field on a broken leg during the Tri-Nations.

THE BECKHAM AWARD FOR SOCCER STYLING

France star Aurélien Rougerie, who sang his national anthem and then greeted his opponents wearing a terribly pretty hairband to keep his fringe in place.

Runner-up: The winner of the UK's best celebrity hairstyle award, Gavin Henson.

THE IDENTITY CRISIS AWARD

This goes to Romania, who went to play in Ireland with O'Neill's stamped all over their backs.

Runner-up: Bill Young, who spent just every line-out standing amongst the his opponents.

THE DOCTOR RICHARD KIMBLE AWARD FOR TAKING THE RAP

Axed Aussie coach Eddie Jones who paid for the failing the invertebrates in his pack and for his bosses' reluctance to stump up for readies for a pack professor. Australia's forwards' coach currently doubled as their physio.

Runner-up: "The criticism seems to be pointing in a lot of different directions but as a player you have to be better than your opposite number, and from 1-15 we weren't." - A breath of fresh air from Lawrence Dallaglio in the wake of the Lions tour.

THE LEMMING AWARD FOR BEST SELF-INFLICTED WOUNDS

To the Fiji Rugby Union who chose to slap a 12-month ban on Rupeni Caucaunibuca for failing to turn up to training and a 12-month ban on Vilimoni Delasau for smoking pot, thereby denying themselves the services of two of the finest finishers in the game.

Runner-up: Lions spin doctor Alastair Campbell for choosing to lecture professional rugby players about how to play rugby by invoking wartime spirit - an event that must have really motivated the beleaguered Lions troops...

[leilei]

T'as toujours pas trouver la fonction "Traduire cette page"

[moza de Tlse]

je vous donne les awards qui nous concernent le plus:

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF RUGBY AWARD

Lions stand-in skipper Gareth Thomas who met the world's press wearing his underpants, explaining nonchalantly: "Sorry lads - couldn't find me trousers, and didn't want to keep you waiting."

Runner-up: Lions lock Paul O'Connell, who debagged Alastair Campbell at a crowded press conference.

THE 'MONTY PYTHON BLACK KNIGHT' AWARD FOR COURAGE

France lock Jérôme Thion, who led his team on the pitch - which no doubt includes a modicum of verbal cajoling - with a broken larynx for ten minutes.

Runner-up: NZ pivot Dan Carter for trying to walk off from the field on a broken leg during the Tri-Nations.

THE BECKHAM AWARD FOR SOCCER STYLING

France star Aurélien Rougerie, who sang his national anthem and then greeted his opponents wearing a terribly pretty hairband to keep his fringe in place.

Runner-up: The winner of the UK's best celebrity hairstyle award, Gavin Henson.

je crois bien que c'est Eddie Jones le plus récompensé. Il aura au moins gagné ça en partant :wacko:

[moza de Tlse]

T'as toujours pas trouver la fonction "Traduire cette page"

pas besoin, t'es bilingue!

et puis là, il ne faut que lire les catégories et les noms cités, ça suffit pr voir qu'ils ont tt de même pas mal d'imagination sur le site de planet rugby!

[magicien.net]

pas besoin, t'es bilingue!

et puis là, il ne faut que lire les catégories et les noms cités, ça suffit pr voir qu'ils ont tt de même pas mal d'imagination sur le site de planet rugby!

tout le monde n'est pas billingue..du moins français-anglais : whist

[Le Corbeau de l'USAP]

pas besoin, t'es bilingue!

et puis là, il ne faut que lire les catégories et les noms cités, ça suffit pr voir qu'ils ont tt de même pas mal d'imagination sur le site de planet rugby!      

tout le monde n'est pas billingue..du moins français-anglais : whist

T'avais qu'à apprendre des langues utiles à la pratique du rugby !!!

[magicien.net]

pas besoin, t'es bilingue!

et puis là, il ne faut que lire les catégories et les noms cités, ça suffit pr voir qu'ils ont tt de même pas mal d'imagination sur le site de planet rugby!      

tout le monde n'est pas billingue..du moins français-anglais : whist

T'avais qu'à apprendre des langues utiles à la pratique du rugby !!!

enjega! ollada! cap de forat del cul! arbitre cap de cuny! etc ça sert pour le rugby tout ça : whist

sans oublier "mateix"

[Le Corbeau de l'USAP]

enjega! ollada! cap de forat del cul! arbitre cap de cuny! etc ça sert pour le rugby tout ça : whist

sans oublier "mateix"

"Mateix" et "Catalunya"... Bon c'est vrai, tu as raison !